EP: 2 The Hidden Crisis in Sales: Why Mental Health Must Come First
Sales is a profession built on resilience, persistence, and mental toughness. But what happens when the very person teaching "actionable inspiration" finds themselves lost in darkness for two and a half years without even realizing it? In this deeply personal episode of the Sales Spark podcast, host Jason Barnaby shares his own journey through depression and the critical importance of prioritizing mental health in sales careers.
A Story of Hidden Struggle and Recovery
Jason Barnaby's journey through undiagnosed depression reveals how mental health challenges can hide behind professional success. His story demonstrates the critical importance of recognizing, addressing, and treating mental health issues in high-pressure careers like sales.
⚡️ Key Takeaways
⚡️ Key Takeaway #1: Depression can be so insidious that you may not recognize you're suffering from it, even when making decisions that put everything you care about at risk. Professional help isn't just recommended—it can be life-saving.
⚡️ Key Takeaway #2: Depression often hides behind successful careers and positive public personas. High-performing sales professionals may be particularly susceptible because they're skilled at maintaining external appearances while struggling internally.
⚡️ Key Takeaway #3: Mental health treatment isn't about weakness—it's about optimization. Having your brain balanced and functioning properly can unlock potential you didn't even know existed.
💬 Notable Quotes
💬 "My wife was like, 'What the actual fuck is going on?' And I thought we were handling this because we were behind on our mortgage coming out of Covid, the mortgage company was working with us, and they had started to send me letters that I simply didn't open."
💬 "And she said, 'Well, the doctor prescribed it for you in October.' And I was like, 'Well, that's news to me.' I literally said that. I said, 'Never heard of what you're talking about.'"
💬 "And I would say for the first time in probably two and a half years, I saw myself for the first time, like really saw myself for the first time in a very, very long time... And I looked and I said to myself out loud. I said, 'Oh, there you are. It's nice to see you again.'"
💬 "That thought was as normal as 'What am I going to have for dinner?' Because I would think that as I'm getting off the interstate and onto the other one, and then I would think, 'Well, I wonder what we're having for dinner tonight.'"
🔗 Resources
🔥 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
🔥 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Transcript
Welcome everybody to the second episode of the Sales Spark podcast. When we set this format up, something that I really wanted to do was make sure that I brought on guests that would be informative and helpful. People who've been salespeople, who've worked with salespeople, who've been in the trenches, who've led, who know the pitfalls, who know the highs and the lows and can be interesting for you.
I've got an incredible lineup of folks who will be coming. The second thing that I wanted to do was less of a back and forth with a guest and more of me sharing some of my content and some of my ideas that I think are important that need to be shared. And today, the one that I want to talk about is mindset and mental health.
I'm doing that through a real story that happened just a couple of years ago. So let me set the stage. It is November of 2023, in Indiana, where I am. It happened to be a fairly warm day that day, not quite cold in the winter, and it was a couple of days before Thanksgiving, and my wife and I were out walking our dog and we came back from the walk and there was a car parked in front of my house, which in my neighborhood is a weird thing. People just don't park on the street.
And it was parked right in front of my house and I noticed that there was a person in it. And so when I got out of the car or when I was walking up the driveway, the person got out of the car and they walked up and they said, "Are you Jason Barnaby?" And they had a big packet of paper. And I said, "Yeah, that's me." And you don't ever want to see that when somebody asks your name, because I didn't know what was going on. And she said, "Well, you need to sign for this." So I signed for it. My wife's looking at me like, what the hell is going on? And I'm like, I have no idea.
So we walk in the house and I opened it up and it was the notice of foreclosure on the house that I've lived in for 17 years, 15 at that time. And my wife was like, "What the actual fuck is going on?" And I thought we were handling this because we were behind on our mortgage coming out of Covid, the mortgage company was working with us, and they had started to send me letters that I simply didn't open, which, if you know anything about finances and when you're getting letters from financial institutions, the thing not to do is to not open the letter.
So, as you can imagine, tremendous guilt and shame because this was my fault. It was 100% my fault. I was not doing what I need to do. And as that was all becoming clear to my wife and to myself, one of the first things that I said, and I was mad and I wasn't mad at my wife, I was mad at me. But it came out like I was mad at her. And I said, kind of through gritted teeth, I said, "Don't tell any of our friends about this."
The guilt and the shame that I felt from getting that notice and knowing that I let her down, that I let my family down, was almost unbearable. And that part of my protection for myself was to get mad. Because when you get mad, it pushes people away. Right? And so I did. And it was not good.
Turns out that earlier in October, just about a month before that, I had gone to see my primary care doctor. And I don't know how many of you have been to see your primary care doctor recently, but mine gives a little anxiety and depression questionnaire when you first sit down, it's like seven questions on each thing and you rank like, are you thinking about harming yourself? Do you have a plan to commit suicide? And you know, you rank it I think like one through five for each question or something like that. And I filled that out.
When I came home from that doctor's appointment, my wife was like, "You know, how did it go?" Because she knew that I'd been struggling. And I was like, "Went fine." And she's like, "Really?" And I said, "Yeah, I said, I have to go back in three months. But for the most part, went okay."
So now we're in November, get the foreclosure notice. Call the mortgage company. Thankfully, we are on the other side of that. They were super gracious and working with us and finding a solution. We're still in the house. We're out of the red. We're where we need to be.
And then January comes around and between Thanksgiving and the new year, I don't really remember a lot of that time. In fact, so that would have been the Christmas of 23 and this past year and Christmas in 24, when my kids were here, they turned on a song. My wife is originally from Poland, and it was like a Polish Christmas song, and they turned it on and they're like, "Oh my gosh, mom, do you remember the song?" And she's like, "Yeah, we played it like 100 times last Christmas." Never heard it. And I speak Polish, so it's not like I didn't understand it and just blocked it out. I just have no recollection hearing it.
So fast forward to January of 2024, and I walk in to see my primary care doctor, and I thought it was really weird that I needed to come back in three months when I had just been there in October. I'm like, why am I getting another appointment in January? Maybe it's my yearly physical and we're just knocking it out at the beginning of the year.
And so, you know, I'm in the room with the nurse and she says, you know, going through the things and are you still taking these medicines and, you know, for allergies and other stuff? And I said, yeah. And she said, "Well, are you still taking Wellbutrin?" And I didn't know what Wellbutrin was at the time. And I said, "No, I've never been taking Wellbutrin." And she said, "Well, the doctor prescribed it for you in October." And I was like, "Well, that's news to me." I literally said that. I said, "Never heard of what you're talking about."
So she leaves, the doctor comes in. We have a pretty good working relationship. I call her a fiery little Italian lady, and she thinks that's pretty hilarious. And so she walks in and, you know, it's beginning of January, just like a happy New Year. I'm like, "Hey, happy New Year." And we're kind of joking. And she says, "You want to tell me why you didn't fill the prescription that I gave you last October for Wellbutrin," which, if you don't know, is an antidepressant.
And I said, "Hey, you want to talk about the fact that I don't remember that conversation that we had that you put me on Wellbutrin?" And she started laughing until she looked over and she said, "Oh, you're serious?" And I said, "Yeah, if we had that conversation, I don't remember it." And she said, "Well, we did. And I told you that this was the medicine, that this is what it does, that it would probably also help with the ADHD, which you think you have," which in fact, I do now know that.
This was the... So all of this has not been great, clearly. And she looks at me very seriously, and she said, "Well, here's the deal, Jason. As your primary care physician, morally and ethically, I don't feel comfortable letting you leave my office unless I know that you're going to go straight to the pharmacy, fill this prescription and start taking it today. And I want you to text me a picture of you with the bottle and confirmation in a text that you've taken the first dose."
And to hear that was pretty tough, and I did. I did what I was supposed to do. I went to the pharmacy and I took the first dose was a Friday, so I took it on Friday. I took it on Saturday, I took it on Sunday. And on Sunday I went upstairs after morning coffee. I went upstairs and I clipped my ear or something, I don't remember, but I went upstairs to her bathroom to take a closer look. And I would say for the first time in probably two and a half years, I saw myself for the first time, like really saw myself for the first time in a very, very long time.
And it was one of those kind of like a movie thing where you look and then you like the camera, like, you know, zooms in and, you know, you just keep seeing closer and closer to the face. And I kind of got lost in my eyes. And as I stood there, just looking into the mirror, tears started to run down my face, and I looked and I said to myself out loud. I said, "Oh, there you are. It's nice to see you again."
And I can tell you that at that moment there was a shift. There was a change. I realized that I had been—I'm going to use fire starters language—I'd been in the smoke, and I knew I'd been in the smoke for a while. I didn't know how long and as I look back, I realize that it had been about two and a half years for me.
The guy that wears the shirt that says comfortable being uncomfortable, the guy whose product is actionable inspiration, the guy whose company name is Fire Starters Incorporated, the guy whose taglines are ignite Hope and torch Fear—me, I had been depressed for a good two and a half years, and that's what led to no money in my bank account to pay our mortgage. That's what led to me self-medicating in a lot of different ways and just numbing out through lots of stuff to take up the time.
I don't think, but I don't really remember. I don't think like, I stayed in bed, but I do know at the end of that period it was harder and harder to get out of bed and harder and harder to fall asleep the night before. And it got to a point before the meds where there's a when I return home. If I've been downtown in the city that I live in, there's a place where the interstate that I take merges on to the interstate that goes around the city. And there's a curve there as you merge on and you're merging into the left hand side of traffic.
So you're merging into the fast lane. So people are usually hauling ass, and there's a curve and a hill right there. And for I don't know how many times hundreds. Honestly, I think over that period of time I would drive by there and I would think to myself, "Is there a way that I can roll my SUV off of this turn and end my life and make it look like an accident so that my family can get my life insurance money? Because I'm worth more dead than I am alive."
And here's what's crazy about that. That thought was as normal as "What am I going to have for dinner?" Because I would think that as I'm getting off the interstate and onto the other one, and then I would think, "Well, I wonder what we're having for dinner tonight," or "Wonder if my grass got cut today," or just normal everyday random thoughts.
Why do I say any of this? Why am I sharing any of this with you? Because, number one, it's way more prevalent than we know. I can't tell you. Once I realized this and started posting about it, how many people came to me and said, "Jason, you didn't look depressed. I had no idea. You didn't look depressed. You didn't seem depressed. You didn't act depressed."
I didn't know I was depressed until I wasn't. And thankfully for me, that medicine made a tremendous difference very quickly. And I know that there are people who it takes a while to figure out what that dosage is going to be, what the medicine is going to be. And I don't think that I'm going to be on it forever. I am still on it. And I also started taking ADHD meds, and I will tell you that those two things to have your brain balanced and have executive function for the first time in 50 plus years has been a life changer, has been a game changer. It's the reason I'm doing this podcast. It's the reason my business is thriving. It's the reason I'm still in my home. It's the reason my wife and I have reconciled our marriage. It's the reason that I'm still here.
And I say all of that because I always want this podcast to be a place that is vulnerable without apology. I don't ever want to apologize for getting teary eyed or voice cracking, and I won't, and I will jump in a loving way on my guests if that happens with them. And they do the same because it's nothing to be sorry about.
There are so many people that are suffering. And I was and I didn't even know it. And my guess is, if you're listening to this, there are lots of people who are feeling this but don't know what to do. They're feeling this and feel like it shouldn't happen to them. They're "should-ing" all over themselves. "I shouldn't be depressed. I shouldn't be bothered with this. It shouldn't be messing with me." And nothing good comes from that.
The things—there are multiple that helped me. I got help from people that knew more than I did who were my primary care doctor and my therapist. I joined some communities on purpose to be around people, because the other thing that I started doing is I started isolating myself and I have the kind of personality where I'm in my head a lot anyway. I'm led by thoughts, and that's not a good place to be when things are dark. And it was really dark and pretty scary and I didn't even know it.
And so I'm putting this out there. I will continue to put this out there. If you don't feel like you have anybody to talk to, DM me, find me on LinkedIn. I will call you, leave me your phone number. I will call you. My wife is a therapist. There are tons of resources that are out there for help.
And so many, myself included, would look back at this time and part of the reason that I didn't is I thought it was weak. And I'm a man, I should be able to man up and push through it and just work harder, get more sleep, exercise more, meditate, be mindful. I was doing pieces and parts of all of that shit, but this wasn't filled with the right thing. It was empty. It was out of balance. It was out of whack. It's like filling your gas tank with sand. The tank I thought was full, but it was full the wrong stuff. It didn't make a difference.
And so this podcast will always champion vulnerability will always champion starting with your mind first. Because here's I saw this quote I just posted it actually the other day. It said it's not that you talk to yourself in your head. It's not even the things that you say to yourself in your head. And if we're honest, we say some pretty horrible things to ourselves. A lot of us would not talk to an enemy, let alone a friend, the way that we talk to ourselves.
So it's not that you talk to yourself. It's not even the things that you say, it's that you believe them. And when you're by yourself. It's really hard not to believe it because you don't have any evidence to the contrary.
And so if you think you might be there, go see your doctor, ask him about it. Get curious. Be brave and courageous in a vulnerable way by asking for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It's a tremendous sign of strength.
So I'm going to challenge you as I, in this second episode to say, what's the match that you're going to strike? Are you going to go see your primary care doctor? Are you going to find a therapist? Are you going to tell your spouse, are you going to tell somebody? Are you going to call the suicide hotline? Are you going to do something? There's so many things that you can do, but doing nothing is the worst thing. Strike the match.